Escape to Threesome
by Mrs HH
Summary: Hermione Granger didn't seem like the kind of woman who would think of such things, but she did. She just hoped no one would ever find out...especially those she shouldn't have been thinking about doing such things with. A bit of silliness for the New Year! AU for le prince of snarkness lives and EWE!
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note:

Behold! I am alive and yes I know this isn't a chapter of The Headmaster's Wife (it is coming...so is Christmas!) but I had to get into writing again after my annus horribilis and when I received this prompt from one of my Tumblr lovelies, I had to write this. The inspiration came quickly and was something that a very "supportive friend" of mine once said. I won't tell you exactly what we were talking about, but two of our favourite Slytherins in a certain situation were mentioned.

So here we go...the next chapter will be up in a couple of days.

It's not been seen by le beta so all my mistakes are entirely mine own. And be kind, I haven't written in so long that it's going to be rather rough! Just let me know if you find any mistakes via pm. Ta muchly!

Usual warnings apply: Adult themes...lemons (if I can remember how to write naughtiness) to follow.

And I own nowt except my imagination and lots of new things because I've moved house.

* * *

 **Escape to Threesome**

 **Chapter One**

Grimmauld Place had undergone a significant make-over since Harry Potter had seen to the end of Lord Voldemort four years ago, and Hermione Granger hated it. More to the point, she hated being there especially at New Year. She hated the fact that her job in Magical Law Enforcement seemed to be going nowhere and she was trapped in a relationship with Ron Weasley. She was yet again comforting Harry after another break up with Ginny, and where she wanted to be...well, she'd be admitted to the Janus Thickey ward if anyone ever found out.

It was the day before New Year's Eve, and the front door banged shut. Harry stilled, his eyes wide with fear as he listened carefully to where the footsteps from the hallway would lead.

"I thought you said he was going out tonight?" he whispered accusingly, inwardly cursing how the shock was causing his cock to become uncooperative in the midst of what had been the best sex he'd had since he and Ginny had made up last year.

"He said he was, and I told him I was going out, too, to be doubly safe. Look, just keep going," Hermione hissed back frustratedly as Ron's untimely return had ruined the build up to her first orgasm in over a year. Well, that wasn't entirely true, but it was nice having someone else give her one rather than relying on her ever growing collection of toys. And she was equally annoyed with the begging tone in her voice as she reached up to touch Harry's face. "Please. He won't come into your room if he thinks you're shagging."

"Oh shit! Fuck!" Harry scrunched up his face as if in pain.

Hermione pushed herself up onto her elbows and glared at her lover. "What?"

Harry hung his head and sighed deeply before pulling from her and rolling onto his back. Reaching for his glasses, he put them on and puffed out a breath.

His silence was annoying and, without looking at him, Hermione repeated her question as footsteps were heard walking towards Harry's room.

"Quickly!" he urged, sitting up abruptly and turning to stare deeply into Hermione's eyes. "Look!"

Understanding immediately, Hermione intoned _Legilimens_ and watched the scene forming in Harry's mind.

 _Harry and Ron were sat in the kitchen. It was a few days ago. She recognised the remains of her pathetic attempt at a Christmas cake and the newly arrived pile of pies courtesy of Molly. She hated how Molly always made her feel so inadequate in the kitchen. She wasn't overly surprised to hear Ron discussing how boring he found his sex life and was telling Harry of Hermione's reluctance when he raised the suggestion of having a threesome to spice things up a little._

 _She certainly wasn't surprised to learn that Harry and Ginny had indulged, on occasion, but Ron was, and then Hermione's heart sank. She heard Harry say, "Well, you know—and only if you're alright with me being there and not two girls—then maybe if I have someone round you can join in. You know the kind of girls I get to pick up when I'm single."_

 _"Yeah, they throw themselves at you, mate," Ron chuckled before the smile fell from his lips. "Trouble is, I'm not single."_

 _"What she doesn't know," Harry suggested mischievously._

 _Ron looked at his friend incredulously. "Really? I mean...she'll go mental if she finds out, and—"_

 _"—but she needs to find out. And I won't tell if you don't. Look, next time I'm shagging some bird, just walk in. I'm sure we can persuade her between us."_

 _"That's kind of fucked up," Ron mused, his conscience pricking him. "But part of me is well up for it."_

 _"I can tell," Harry smirked. "You certainly aren't levitating this table magically!"_

Hermione ripped from Harry's mind. "You bastards!," she growled. "Do you think he heard us? Do you think he...?"

"You weren't exactly being quiet, and did you cast a Silencing charm?"

"Fuck!" they gasped together as their attention became focused on the slowly turning doorknob.

Hermione swallowed hard. She could Apparate away, but maybe this was a good thing. It would bring the deficiencies in their relationship to a head, but she knew that even though Ron was contemplating playing away, he would become an excellent victim in the eyes of his mother.

"Sorry to interrupt, mate,"Ron said rakishly, poking his head around the door. His face froze. "What the hell is...?"

The redhead didn't know who to address or where to look as he saw his best friend and girlfriend naked on the bed.

"Ron, I can explain," Harry started, a sudden flash of inspiration hitting him. "Look, I told Hermione everything that we talked about. She felt bad and said that if she was going to have a threesome with anyone it would be with you and someone she feels safe with...with me. She just wanted us to get used to each other before...well, we knew that if she told you she was going out, you'd come home on the off chance that I was entertaining."

Impressed by her friend's quick thinking, Hermione suddenly hoped that Harry hadn't seen into her mind whilst they were connected. Because in reality, she wasn't opposed to the idea of a threesome...just to having a threesome with Ron. No, she had other candidates in mind and she found it hard admitting their identities to herself, let alone to anyone else.

She was dragged out of her thoughts when she heard Ron say, "Right. OK. Well, how are we going to do this?"

"Take your clothes off and get over here?" Hermione offered, strangely relieved that her infidelity was being covered up. They were all, after all, consenting adults and Ron did want this.

What followed was awkward, clumsy and logistically challenging and Hermione was left wondering whether being with two men at the same time was actually worth it. Oh, the boys certainly enjoyed themselves, but as she lay there once again without an orgasm, listening to them both snoring away, she felt sadder than she had in a long time. Even the fantasy that had sustained her in her darkest hours now seemed likely to be an utter disappointment.

* * *

Thoroughly pissed off and dejected, Hermione sat in her office on New Year's Eve staring blankly at the rubber plant that she had adopted from the previous incumbent.

"Granger," the dark voice snapped from in front of her desk.

"Sorry, what?" she asked, spinning her chair round to face the man seeking her attention. "Sorry, Severus, I was distracted," she giggled to cover her embarrassment at being caught daydreaming.

"Clearly."

"Just got a lot on my mind," she shrugged, realising why Severus Snape was stood in her office. "Have you come for this?" she asked as she began searching through a pile of files.

Snape's eyebrow arched inquisitively. "My original intent was to relieve you of a particular file, but now I think I have something much more interesting to obtain from you. Anything that plagues the waking thoughts of Hermione Granger must be of great import. I hope you know that after all you have done to assist me over the last few years that you can come to me with your troubles. And I should imagine you have quite a few redheaded ones."

"No, honestly, Severus I'm fine. It's nothing," Hermione protested sweetly, pulling out the file she was looking for and holding it out to him.

Severus snorted, taking it from her. She had been distracted for weeks and it was becoming annoying. "Don't lie to me. It is something and you know I have ways of finding out."

Hermione gave him a half smile. "Yes, I know you do, but last time you tried that you got slapped."

"This is true, but I was rather obvious in my attempt on that occasion. I am usually far more subtle," the former professor turned consultant Auror informed her with a smirk. "Is that ink?" he asked, the movement of his hand indicating the offending blot's location to be near the witch's nose.

"What? Where?" asked Hermione in a panic, desperately swiping her fingers over her skin.

"It's still there. Allow me," Severus offered, pulling the handkerchief that had appeared at his cuff and started wiping Hermione's face. "It's being rather stubborn," he said apologetically before completing his task, which had nothing to do with cleaning the non existent smudge.

"Much better," he quipped before adding, "Well, if you are sure I cannot be of assistance, then I shall take my leave for the moment." And with a curt nod, Severus Snape swept out of her office.

* * *

The young witch would have been lying if she'd said that she hadn't given this encounter a second thought for the rest of the day. In fact, she had given it a number of thoughts. But it wasn't until she got home that she realised why it had been on her mind so much.

On the kitchen table was an envelope addressed to her. She opened it carefully and stared at the short missive.

 _Malfoy Manor. Nine o'clock tonight._

 _Severus will be in attendance ._

 _LM_

The bastard had looked!

* * *

AN2: Please let me know what you think. I will go back and revise the horrific grammar and mistakes, but after so long in the writing wilderness, I was excited to get this published.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note:

Please do not adjust your television sets...yes, I have posted within two days!

So, we take a little step back in time in what can only be described as a filler chapter. And yes I have been horrible in not providing you with the main event yet. You may hurl abuse if you so wish. I care not!

Once again this has not been seen by le beta, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone...

Usual warnings apply: Scenes of a sexual nature, some naughty words and Lucius Malfoy.

I own nothing but my imagination and several boxes of chocolates. My beautiful muses belong elsewhere.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Escape to Threesome**

 **Chapter Two**

The story of how Hermione Granger had become so well acquainted with Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy was a long one, but if one was asked to provide a summary, it would be as follows:

When Hermione left Hogwarts she needed a job. Of course, she was inundated with offers, but the ex Auror turned Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt, proved to be the most persuasive. He offered the witch a role in the newly created Parole office within the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. It was sold to her as an exciting and challenging position, where she would be overseeing the release and house arrest of the many allegedly former Death Eaters who had enjoyed a period of time in Azkaban. Her love a cause was legendary, and here she was being given causes even if they were far from good.

By the time she'd started, Severus Snape had been released from St Mungo's following his miraculous survival of Nagini's viciousness and avoided Azkaban following Dumbledore's even more miraculous decision to speak up at his successor's trial. Upon his newfound freedom, Snape eschewed returning to Hogwarts as headmaster and was instead offered the position of Consultant Auror specialising in the Dark Arts. Because Hermione's clients were not adverse to a little dabbling in things of a darker nature, her former professor was often asked to assist in the initial rehabilitation stage to make sure that nothing untoward occurred.

They had formed a tentative working relationship, which had turned to occasional lunch time buddies, and eventually Hermione could not help but oversee the interior decoration of Severus' flat. However, six months ago, Severus began to shy away from seeing Hermione outside of work and this baffled the witch no end. He was still the same at work towards her, but he always seemed to be busy after work or at weekends. She suspected that he may have found himself a woman. It was a thought that unsettled her more than it should have done.

And as the wizarding world's leading parole officer, when Lucius Malfoy was released, Hermione found herself in the one place that she wanted to avoid and in the company of a man she hated. It might have been bearable had Narcissa and Draco still been there, but they had buggered off with one of the Greengrass girls to their villa in the South of France on a permanent holiday.

Severus had of course swept Malfoy Manor for all traces of Dark Magic. Unsurprisingly after Voldemort's encampment there, it took months to clean the place up, and knowing of what had happened to Hermione, he always accompanied her upon her official visits to see his old friend. At first, the visits were awkward, but it soon became apparent that Lucius Malfoy had undergone not so much a personality transplant, but the human side of the man, the side that Severus had known from years ago, had resurfaced. Hermione was quite shocked to find that he could be quite amenable. And so, the formal professional visits became more informal and, eventually, Hermione found herself with an open invitation to visit whenever she wanted. It was an offer that she took up often, mainly so that she could drool over Lucius' library, but she never visited alone: Severus was always there whether she knew he was going to be or not.

That was until about six months ago and Hermione was not the only person baffled by this change in the Severus' behaviour. She told Lucius her theory that the dark haired wizard had found himself a lady friend, but she did not confess her misplaced jealousy or the fact that she'd woken from a dream a few nights before where the three of them had ended up in a very compromising position.

Lucius had to admit that he thought she was right about Severus even though he never told her that nor that he too had awoken on several occasions wishing that she had been gracing his bed. But putting his own feelings aside, Malfoy had his suspicions as to the identity of his friend's witch. He just wasn't sure if Hermione was quite ready to know who she was.

And so we find ourselves in the drawing room at Malfoy Manor a few days before Hermione was tricked into giving up her most lascivious secret, and Lucius was going to find out whether his suspicions were correct.

"And when did she get that arse?" Lucius asked, pouring his friend another brandy.

Severus' eyes flicked up from his glass to the face of his friend. "What?"

"Oh come now, you're not blind. She certainly didn't have it whilst she was at school or else even I would have noticed."

Shocked by Lucius' comment, Severus blustered, "I cannot believe that you would even have looked when she was at Hogwarts and you know I was never in the habit of looking at my students' arses and I am certainly not interested in looking at my colleague's arse, either."

Lucius found Severus' protestation amusing, although he knew that the former professor had always behaved with perfect propriety. Sitting down in his favourite chair next to the fire, he decided to push Severus a little further. "You know, I worry about you sometimes. How could you not notice it? It's just perfect. I, for one, would rather like to sink my teeth into it and..."

"...Is that before or after you've ripped her knickers off with your teeth? Because all your sordid fantasies appear to involve your teeth somewhere along the line. Are you sure there's no vampire in you?" Severus snarked.

"Not been shagged by a vampire in years, dear," Lucius quipped into his glass. "Actually, I've not been with another man since..."

"...I was very drunk."

The corner of Lucius' mouth twitched. "Not that drunk if I remember rightly. You pounded me like a..."

"...No analogies please, and no comments about the fact that the first four letter of analogies spells what it spells. Your humour has always been puerile and I am in no mood for it tonight."

"Is that because I've been beastly about your Hermione?" the older wizard asked with feigned concern.

"She is not my Hermione. She's..."

"Yes?" Lucius asked expectantly.

Severus' eyes narrowed. "You are a cock. She's a former student, a colleague and besides, she is not available."

"Oh do shut up!" Lucius teased. "You sound like you want to have a relationship with her rather than...oh, but that's it, isn't it? You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"Don't be so ridiculous!"

"Oh, but you are. I can't wait to tell Narcissa. She would love this."

"Would she now?" Severus groused.

Lucius nodded. "You should be grateful that she's in France because she would have had every eligible witch directed towards your door. In fact, she was threatening to start matchmaking from afar if you didn't get your arse into gear and find yourself a woman soon."

Severus sighed deeply. "I cannot deny that I have an admiration for Miss Granger. She's proved herself to be a very capable young woman and..."

"...She has a lovely arse."

"Yes, alright, she does," he admitted in exasperation.

Lucius smirked and decided to turn up the heat. "And her tits aren't bad either," he mused distractedly.

"Do you wish me to hex you?" Severus threatened.

"Oh dear, oh dear. It's worse than I thought," Lucius deadpanned, "you're getting possessive."

"I am not," Severus refuted after almost choking on his drink.

"Prove it."

Severus was taken aback by Lucius' challenge and tried to think of a way to disprove the wizard's accurate accusation. "I'd share her."

"And that proves fuck all," Lucius countered. "You know as well as I that you can be madly in love with someone and still share them. You're not some naïve teenager. You can be quite broad minded when the mood takes you."

"What I am is of no consequence," Severus growled, inwardly kicking himself at the weakness of his argument.

"Indeed, but the point is, you are in love with Hermione Granger and you want her to be yours. But now you've mentioned it, if you ever fancied sharing her, I wouldn't say no."

Severus' tone was full of warning. "The point is, I very much doubt that Hermione would entertain such things."

Taking a sip of his drink, Lucius' reply was accompanied with a wicked glint in his eyes. "That remains to be seen."

* * *

Meanwhile, on that very same evening, Hermione was also busy proving Severus Snape very wrong. Ron and Harry had gone to a Quidditch match in Ireland and would be away all night so this was the perfect opportunity to have some alone time with the contents of the package from D/s Toys that currently lay on her bed.

She was slightly wary of her purchase for two reasons: the first being that the two dildos contained within said box were bigger than anything in her collection. Of course, she'd used toys to try and emulate the sensation of the two subjects of her imaginings before, but it didn't feel quite right. For some reason she had always assumed that the pair were hung like hippogriffs and tonight she was going to experience what she hoped was the most accurate representation of being with these two wizards. And, not that she had many complaints about Ron or Harry in the trouser department, but she was quite eager to find out if bigger really was better.

And also she had to wonder whether the toys were actually safe. The last two items she had bought from this company had been recalled. They may have promised explosive orgasms but due to the fact that Seamus Finnegan and his partner Dean Thomas were the brains behind the company, it should not have come as much of a surprise that they also could be quite explosive in every sense of the word. But they were her friends and although no one expected them to set up 'the best magical sex toy company in centuries,' according to Witch Weekly, she felt that, out of a sense of loyalty, she should support them.

She undressed quickly before reading the instructions, and magical sex toys, frustratingly, came with quite a few. Hermione had been thinking about this moment all day, even to the point where she had considered a few moments of contemplation in the loo after Severus had popped into her office to deposit a report, and this necessary delay in this evening's proceeding was not appreciated. However, she had to make a decision regarding each toy's destination as well as its thrust speed and force. Oh, and then there was the time delay between incantation and action. How long would she need to ready herself for these two monsters? And if that wasn't enough, she had to decide which of her two wizards she would assign to each toy. There was one thing for certain, the word spontaneity had little place here.

Closing her eyes, she clearly pictured the two wizards that she wanted so desperately. She could never quite decide on the dynamic. Usually, she would look into steely grey eyes as she felt strong hands taking more control from behind. It was usually more animalistic than passionate, but tonight, she wanted something a bit different. It meant a change of position for both her and the wizards in question. She wanted them both to make love to her at the same time: she wanted to get lost in the dark.

She could feel the anticipation building within her until the ache between her legs became unbearable and she could wait no longer. Touching each toy with her wand, she watched them levitate out of the box in readiness for the appropriate incantations. Once spoken, she put her wand on the bedside table and lay on her side in the middle of the bed. She had fifteen minutes to prepare.

Slipping into her fantasy as her fingers slipped inside her, she could almost feel the warmth of bodies, hands and breath against her skin. At first, her moans were soft and breathless, but they soon crescendoed as her first orgasm crashed over her. She had no idea how much time had passed as she imagined the two wizards' kissing and caressing her, but as she looked up into dark eyes, she gasped as the charmed toys pushed deep inside her. Completely lost by the sensation of being completely filled, her second climax hit her hard, shortly followed by her third. She felt her thighs trembling as her fourth orgasm washed over her and she wasn't sure if she could take any more, but she didn't have any choice as the toys relentlessly moved inside her and her imagination continued to go wild.

Hermione wanted to continue all night even if it meant coming until she passed out. But Fate, which is known for being an utter bastard at times, intervened. She was ripped from her thoughts just as her mouth was about to be devoured again, by the front door slamming shut followed by drunken singing.

Breathless and swearing profusely, the witch reached for her wand, cancelled the incantations and threw the toys under the bed. Unfortunately, she didn't have time to get under the covers before her boyfriend staggered into the room.

"What the hell are you doing back?" she spat, but in his drunken state, Ron was oblivious to the annoyance in her voice.

"Missed you," he slurred, walking towards the bed and flopping down beside her before immediately starting to snore.

"For fuck's sake," an annoyed and frustrated Hermione grumbled, considering the best hex to use on him for interrupting her fun. However, luckily for Ron, her fun had left her too exhausted to bother and with a heavy sigh, she simply crawled into bed. Soon she was falling asleep in the arms of Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy. It was just a shame that it was only in her mind.

* * *

AN2: Yes the main event is in the next chapter...and a bit more besides that! Let me know what you think and if you spot any mistakes, just let me know via PM. Much love x


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note:

Dearly beloved, I may have told you a slight untruth. I promised you the main event in this chapter, and I have written the main event, but I had to split the chapter before it became too long. But I hope this will provide a nice little build up to it...after all, anticipation is half the fun, is it not?

Needless to say the course of true love or getting into the position to have a threesome rarely runs smooth for most mere mortals...

Usual warnings apply. This has not been seen by another human being, so if you see any glaring mistakes, please let me know.

I own nothing but my imagination and a cold. My beautiful muses belong elsewhere.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Escape to Threesome**

 **Chapter Three**

Hermione's hands shook as she stared at the letter. She was furious, as well as incredibly embarrassed. Oh, she knew of what Severus was capable, but being a smug bastard was not one of them. She could only imagine Lucius' amusement when he'd been told of what was going on in her mind. And what made it worse, was that they actually thought she wanted to it to happen. Well, she did, but not like this. She wasn't going to be summoned to Lucius Malfoy's home like some common hooker for a threesome with his friend. No, New Year's Eve it may be, but she was staying in.

Of course, she could have played the dutiful girlfriend and gone to The Burrow with Ron, but after last night's incident with him and Harry, she'd allegedly developed a headache during the afternoon which no potion could shift. Ron, unquestioning as ever, accepted her excuse and hadn't even called to check that she was alright. She wasn't sure why she should be annoyed at that, but her relationship with Ron was not the issue here. Or perhaps it was, but right now, she was getting in the bath and staying there until she turned wrinkly before getting into bed with the one thing that she could always rely on...a good book. 'Fuck them all,' was her mantra for the night, but not in the sense of actually fucking them.

* * *

It was eight o'clock when a foul-tempered Severus Snape strode into the drawing room of Malfoy Manor to find Lucius smirking as he read The Daily Prophet.

"And what has you so amused?" he enquired, immediately walking over to the drinks cabinet and pouring himself a large whisky.

His friend, folded the paper and threw it onto the fire. "Do you not read the gossip column? Harry Potter is single again which means one thing: his lapdog and rival for your witch's affections will be thrust into the path of temptation as a string of strumpets throw themselves at The Chosen One's feet. And when he does, you will offer her support and comfort, and after a suitable amount of time, you will declare your feelings for her. And you can start your charm offensive this evening: I have invited her over. She will be here in an hour."

However, Severus did not acknowledge this news. He remained silent before downing his drink and pouring another large measure.

Concerned by this, Lucius was forced to ask, "Is something wrong? That is another rather large glass of my whisky that you have there."

Severus exhaled forcefully. "I have done something unforgivable."

"And? I do something unforgivable every day," Lucius quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

"We are well aware of that, but we're not talking about you," the former headmaster sneered.

Lucius' brow furrowed. "I believe I may regret asking this, but what nefarious deed has caused this latest wave of self loathing?"

Hanging his head, Severus confessed, "I looked into her mind without permission."

"So, you're always looking into people's minds without permission. What of it?" the older wizard scoffed, nonchalantly batting away Severus' comment.

"Not in Hermione's case, I don't...especially after she slapped me at the Ministry Ball."

Lucius' lip twitched. He was trying not to smile as he recalled Hermione calling Severus a bastard in the middle of a dance before slapping his face, sprang to the fore. Of course, he'd initially thought that her colleague had touched her arse, and was slightly disappointed to discover that it was an unwelcome foray into her mind that had caused such a reaction, but it still provided him with amusement.

"I respect her privacy," Severus continued, "but she has been distracted of late and refused my offer of assistance."

Lucius huffed, contemplating whether to point out a few home truths. Decision made, he began. "You say that she's been distracted of late, and I believe she has been, but the truth is, since you have been trying to do the honourable thing, she has concluded that you are also distracted because you have found yourself a witch. And I admit that I thought the same, but it has become blatantly obvious...to me, at least...that the witch you've found is her.

"Therefore, because she feels that you consider her more of a work colleague than anything else, I get the impression that she doesn't feel it appropriate to confide in you any more."

Severus went to interrupt, but Lucius continued with more vehemence than the dark haired wizard had expected. "You're both as bad as each other. You're strangely well suited, but the problem isn't her, it's you.

"You feel so guilty about what happened to Lily Potter that you can't let yourself be happy, can you? You always feel so undeserving. Well, let me tell you, the martyr act doesn't suit you any more, my friend. And don't tell me that she has chosen another so you will keep your distance out of respect. He's an imbecile and you've been there, done that and where exactly has it got you? You're nearly forty three, Severus. Don't you think you should let this charade drop? If you love her, tell her. Don't do the honourable thing. Life is too short. Just fucking tell her and if she doesn't feel the same way about you then..."

"...she doesn't!" Severus yelled before adding more guardedly, "She does feel something for me, but she has the same feelings for you, and I can assure you that they have nothing to do with love. Lust, perhaps, but nothing more."

Lucius Malfoy's mouth hung open. Eventually, he managed to speak. "Excuse me?"

Slumping down into the chair opposite, Severus told his friend what he had seen in Hermione's mind.

"Merlin's sphericals! And you said you didn't think she was into that kind of thing," Lucius chuckled before a sense of dread hit him. "Fuck! I invited her over here before...do you think she would know if you'd looked?"

Severus shrugged. "It is more than likely. I was more subtle than on my previous attempt, but when I taught her Occlumency and Legilimency she proved to be highly adept and incredibly sensitive. But, that's not what you really wanted to ask, is it? What you are really asking me is whether I believe that she is now sat there seething at my seeming betrayal and has taken your invitation as a summons to a night of debauchery then, yes."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Lucius closed his eyes. "Well, this is awkward."

"That's an understatement," Severus concurred, puffing out a breath.

Lucius found himself more concerned about the situation than he expected. Biting the inside of his cheek, he considered the appropriate course of action. "The only thing we can do is wait. If she arrives..."

"...she won't."

"Well then, I, for one, will not sit here and let her think that the reason for my invitation was because you were disloyal and I wished to take advantage," Lucius stated firmly. "I genuinely care for the girl, and although I would not say no should the opportunity present itself, I would not wish her to feel that I think of her solely in those terms. No, we will give her until nine thirty and then I will owl saying that I am concerned that neither you nor she has arrived...a little white lie will hurt nobody. I will inform her that I have not heard from you since this morning and wondered if all was well at work."

Severus shook his head and huffed at his friend's uncharacteristic naivety. "And you think she'll fall for that? She will know it is a ruse to cover something up."

"I am trying to cover up your indiscretion."

"And your efforts are appreciated, but I believe they will prove fruitless. Hermione is not one of the dunderheaded bimbos that you seem to favour these days."

"Well, we have to do something," Lucius groused, tapping the arm of his chair as he looked at the clock. He had been accused of many things in his life...most of which were accurate...but, no matter how varied and unconventional his inclinations, he had always conducted his liaisons with the utmost integrity and honesty. It was a reputation that he wished to remain intact.

* * *

Nine o'clock came and went, and as Severus had predicted, Hermione did not arrive at Malfoy Manor. Instead, she was trying to forget about where she should be by laying in a bath surrounded by candlelight, bubbles up to her neck and a glass of wine in hand.

Unfortunately, her attempts to forget weren't working and a troubling thought suddenly hit her. Maybe Severus hadn't said anything; maybe Lucius had just invited her over. It was New Year's Eve after all and earlier in the week, she had told him that she wasn't looking forward to going to The Burrow. And, of course, he would invite Severus. He was his best friend. Maybe she should just go over and say she'd lost track of time.

But she still had an uneasy, unsettled feeling, just like she would have after her Legilimency lessons with Severus. He'd definitely been in her mind. She was sure of it and that being the case, whatever he saw, she was angry with him and herself for letting her guard down around him and assuming that he respected her enough not to meddle in her mind.

No, she was resolved. Her bath remained the destination du jour.

* * *

It was while Hermione was having and dismissing her revelatory moment that Lucius began penning her another letter.

 _Having not heard from Severus since this morning and given your absence, I have been led to conclude that something is obviously amiss at work._

 _Please let me know that you are safe and all is well._

 _L_

"Vague enough?" he asked after reading the finished note to his friend.

Severus nodded before adding, "But, I don't know why you're wasting your time. It won't bring her here."

As he addressed the envelope and listened to Severus' pessimism, Lucius, too, was beginning to wonder why he was wasting his time trying to help his miserable bastard of a friend.

* * *

Only one owl tapped on a window so elegantly and Andronicus was that owl. He was also an incredibly insistent bird, to the point where if he was unable to deliver his master's message within a suitable period of time, he would tap on every window in the house until a weakness was found and smash his way in.

Hermione closed her eyes in resignation. Taking her wand out of her hair, she flicked it towards the window and allowed not only Lucius Malfoy's trusty messenger into the bathroom, but also a cold, wintry blast that blew out all the candles.

"Fucking hell," she snarled before closing the window and restoring the lighting as Andronicus landed on the side of the bath.

"And what does your lord and master want?" she asked with a sigh, making sure that she was still covered with bubbles. She wouldn't have put it past Lucius to have planted some kind spying device on the bird.

Taking the note, she read it carefully, her lips pursed. Something in the message rang true, but it didn't matter. She felt betrayed and she couldn't bear to be in the same room as Severus right now. Besides she was nice and warm where she was.

Reaching up to stroke the bird's head, she whispered kindly, "Please return home. There is no reply."

If an owl could look perturbed, that was exactly the expression that Andronicus wore. He beat his wings as a reminder that the window needed to be opened, and Hermione obliged ruefully. As he took off, she felt a pang of guilt at being so rude in not providing a response. But one thing she had learnt about Lucius over the last few years was that he was as insistent as his owl, and if he was really concerned, Andronicus would be back shortly.

* * *

Andronicus' return to Malfoy Manor was met by an "I told you so," and a "you fucking idiot, Snape."

Lucius was pacing in front of the fire trying to think of what to do next when he turned to Severus and yelled, "Why the hell am I the one trying to sort this mess out? This is your fault, why are you not thinking of something?"

"Anyone would think you're in love with her yourself?" Snape scoffed.

Lucius stopped and glared at the seemingly indifferent man. "No, you know as well as anyone that the only person I am really in love with is myself and you've made me look a bastard. And as you can't seem to find your way clear to sort this out, I will have to do it myself."

Severus found this outburst quite amusing, but hid it well. He did have a solution...of course, he did...but he suspected that it was far too simple and practical for Lucius to entertain. "We could always pay her a visit," he offered, secretly hoping that Lucius would ridicule the idea so that he would be spared the ignominy of Hermione's disappointment.

"Go to Grimmauld Place?"

"She will be expecting you to owl again," Severus told him. "She won't expect us to turn up. It is the quickest way for you to argue your case and then she can continue to be pissed off with me."

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Or perhaps she will accept that you were concerned for her and once you have grovelled...women, in my experience, appreciate that kind of thing...you may find yourself in a more favourable position than you anticipate. Yes, I think we will pay the lady a visit."

Knocking back his drink, Severus inwardly cursed himself for raising the idea and grimaced slightly as the liquid burned his throat. "I suggest you draw your wand. In my experience, Hermione is not adverse to hexing and using physical violence before she asks questions."

"Duly noted," Lucius smirked, his wand appearing in his hand. "Shall we?"

Severus wanted to say no.

* * *

AN2: Hexes, a dressing gown malfunction and scenes of an adult nature.


End file.
